Reminiscing
I'm here listening to Raul's song titled "Rosa Negra" which means BlackRose. He wrote it for me. Man....I fucked with our feelings. I wish we would have just remained 'primos' and nothing else. We had a good time, but it wasn't good for the overall relationship that we COULD have had. He is a good soul. I miss some of our talks when we were high haha. I also miss it when we would just listen to music. That's huge for me. I love doing nothing and listening to music and just being able to think and reflect.
I've done a lot of that lately. I've done a lot of praying. A lot of talking to God about what I want and where my life is heading. I know that I want to make amends. Amends with Raul amends with Greg Williams, I want to make amends with Greg Wessels...I want to make amends with Abigail Lizarraga....my father.
I remember when I told him that I hated him. To be fair, it was already after he slapped me across the face when I was younger, as well as cut the wires of my Buick Skylark so that I can no longer drive it. That was after I drove it to Daniel's aunt's house. I lied to them. I told them that I was going to another place. My mom was very astute and keen on the lie. She knew. Come on now, she was a teenager at one point as well. She did end up going on a different path at that age, but still.....she understands now..I hope.
Right now, I'm watching Brian play Gran Turismo Sport. He's really good. He tends to often end up in the first place. Impressive.
He's so handsome to me. I also put on Gregory Porter on Spotify. I just finished petting Bico. He's such a funny little dude. I love him so much. Just like that crazy little Bica. She keeps staring at the wall or random places that have nothing to look at. Crazy butts.
Brian and I have put our money together again. I added him to my Chase accounts and he added me to his. I can't add him to the main Starbucks account, but we'll figure something out. Maybe he can take and use the card when we know it's going to be a bigger amount of purchases? We'll see.
