Christmas Break

 So far, this break has been awesome! Christmas was great and it's been so relaxing. 

“I used to look up to you”

 Both Natalie and Chuckie have told me this. At different times. 

This is sad. It hurts. 

Curiosities

 If/when you change the shoelaces to your shoes, do you always replace both? If not, why not? If so, what's your rationale? 

Greater is he who walks in the Lord than he who walks in the world

 God is my strength and refuge. The devil has grasped me in his grasp of temptations and drunkardness. I feel shame. He would also not want me to feel shame. He has taken it all from me already. He knew the path that I'd choose to follow. It's the path that was easier to follow and more pleasurable to the flesh. I caved. Even though I knew who God was and that there were temptations that could allow me to fall into sin - and it did. 

So many things that I wish I hadn't done for memory's sake, but at the same time, I do know that these were all experiences and lessons. All of them. I crashed my car. I mean, come on, man. You think that I'd learn after all that, but yet, I still drink. I can drink more than six cans of seltzers with no issue. It's sad, really. Lord, help me overcome the temptation to want to drink. 

Colorado Vacation

 We're back from an amazing trip. What a vacation! I had so much fun!

Waking up back at home started our routine again today. I am happy. So happy. 

About to watch last night's church service. I love the positivity and encouragement it gives me week to week. 

I also have to remember that life is still going on. Julio, the baby, Tanya, Luna, Brian's sentiment towards all of that, Tanya's sentiments toward my brother/ resentment. 

I bought some new AirPods...finally. I haven't really had the chance to actually listen to them. I've tested the features, but haven't heard them with music. 

Things you learn with time

• Laundry
• Nobody should have to go through your pockets to see if you've left anything that shouldn't go into the watching machine. 
• Separate your own pants from the underwear and undershirts from T-shirts. 

Colorado (x2)

 We're leaving for Colorado tomorrow morning at 1am. Brian likes to drive at night, so he's asleep right now until 11 and then we leave at 1. I'm ready and packed.  I just have to make sure I have my work computer as well as my wallet and the basic necessities. 

I'm excited! 

We're going to hang out with Adam, maybe go to Meow Wolf. 

Vaccine Moral/Ethics Involuntary Submission

 I got my COVID vaccine today. The Moderna one to be exact. 

I have to go back or anywhere to get the second dose in 4 weeks. This all sucks. I will get it because I have to comply, but it sucks. I feel bad. I feel like I compromised. I feel like I was given the choice to get it or not. It was forced upon me if I wanted to keep my job. How unfair. I had NO choice in the matter. 

I am unhappy with all of this. I have now become of the social norm. I am complying, but not voluntarily and definitely without my choice in the matter. I have to do this to now keep my job. It's insane and ridiculous. Our government, nor ANYONE, should force me to make the decision of my own safety or not. Period and full stop. PERIOD.

I am so upset that I had to cave and go against my own moral and ethical beliefs for this.

Family Struggles

 So much has happened with the family. 

Family, family, family. Dr. Jacoby would say that families are the only reason he has a job. Otherwise, he'd be bagging groceries at Safeway. He's so funny. I respect him so much. His wisdom, compassion, kindness, and understanding are amazing and have always given me a sense of normalness. 

Drama/tragedy

Death

Julio crash

Tanya's birth

Solara

Funny...I just realized that Brian and I are not on that list of issues. God is so good. Amen and Amen! Thank you, GOD! He's been so helpful to me, my character, my soul, and my feeling of safety. 

Even with him seeing my internal struggles, he's there...He's there for me. I do feel, however, that there's still judgment. But...I know that that judgment is my own. He's even let me know that. 

Riverdale, Hockey, Super Store, and Animal Kingdom

 I've been watching too much television lately. I am not entirely sure how to feel about it. In some ways, the distraction can be a good thing and in others, I really hate that I'm not using that time more efficiently or more productively. 

Riverdale is cool to me because the characters are based on the Archie comic book that I used to read a lot of. I really like Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and Archie, of course. 

The drama, suspense, thrill, and emotional rollercoaster are fun and engaging.