Celebrate

There is so much to be grateful, proud, celebratory for. I seem to forget those things and always focus on the bad. I wear myself down mentally with the same negative thoughts that circle in my head. 

Right now I'm in my new office! Today was my first day working in this room. This was Emya's old room. This was also my old storage of stuff. I have a lot of things that I should get rid of. Lots of old memories. Lots of old papers that are DEF not needed anymore. I sit here and look around and see these video games that I really should be posting for sale. I shouldn't care if someone offers less than the price that I see. After all, I'm looking for the listing that has the highest price. I listed some tarot cards from Dishonored for $70. 

It's a choice to be grateful. 

This is what's going on in life right now. 

I'm in the new office. Loving it. I'm listening to Spotify at the moment. Listening to some old nostalgic songs - Eluveitie specifically. It made me think of Chuckie. Here's where things are with Chuckie. He went to Utah to go get me with Natalie. It was awful. I went up to see him about a year afterward. We spoke. He talked. He let out a lot. He just can't deal with me anymore. My shenanigans. I am a mess. Wow. I'm glad he was even willing to talk to me, to be honest. 

Anyway, let's get past that subject. Things have gotten better than where they were then. So much better. Life is good again. Life is worth living again. I have what I wanted. I have a significant other who loves me no matter what. He doesn't judge my mishaps and my mistakes. I tend to drink (no shit). He doesn't see me as that person. I hate that person at times. Other times, it's freeing. It's nice. It's s feeling of fresh new creativity. 

I've been having little images of Raul and me. Not sure why. Not really missing him or feeling the absence of him, it's mostly.......He was an awesome person. An awesome companion to share similar interests with. I do miss the music sharing. That may be it. Damn. I'm glad I wrote that. That may be it. The music. He really seemed to get a grasp of what I liked and ran with it. Introduced me to a lot of things that I still enjoy today. However, there was a lot of stuff that he listened to that I didn't really like. Anyway, music is definitely not something to stay with someone over. GOODBYE RAUL! We were both toxic to one another. I was for you as you were for me. I know that. We tested each other. We wanted to get a rise out of one another.